and I will love you better, I will love you better,I will love you better, I will love you better, I will love you better...

twitter is failing to open, i'm actually devastated. how can i go without tweeting. this is ridiculous, i could easily grab my phone and use the web connection on there, and this will surely be fixed by the morning so why i'm in such a panic is beyond me.

oh my how i love love love the maccabees, they're second album is just as amazing as their first, if not more. i'm so glad they are playing reading festival. i will maccabee it up. felix is my favourite, obvs. i could listen to them all day long, in fact i pretty much have for the past few days. when you don't listen to a band you like you forget how much you like them.

i watched the way we were tonight. i was told i would cry, i had made it through pretty much the whole film without crying, and it wasn't until the very end, when the two of them see each other a few years after their child was born that i lost control and cried so much. it's when you realise that it was one love story that would never work. and when she said ' do me a favour, and sty with me until the baby is born' sad but beautiful. i never realised how much hope a happy ending could give.

i have come to the conclusion that i can cry for england, actually the whole world. today at work we were talking about sad movies, a customer mentioned 'beaches' and nat explained to me what it was about. i started crying over a film i haven't even seen yet. i'm an emotional reck.

last night i went to my student unions school disco, it was a special night as there was two actors from the imbetweeners, i've never seen the show in my life, as its on at the same time as grey's anatomy. we dressed in school uniform and danced until our feet were about to drop off, walking to subway with no shoes on felt so good. it was the last night at the su for this year (until september) and my last time at the student union. i enjoyed the night greatly.

i'm going to cyprus in two weeks, i am seeing dinosaur jr in just over a week and i am seeing britney! in less than one week. i'm looking forward to the weeks ahead. (for once)

twitter work please. goodnight.

with strings that tie to you.

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon. 

Joel: I know.

Clementine: What do we do?

Joel: Enjoy it. 

whenever i watch this film i think of you. it was around two years ago when i was ill that you told me to watch it, so i did. it changed me. this is the only film to have ever had such an impact on me. i cry every time. 

this film makes me think. think about things i want to change. think about things i wouldn't change at. think about things i wish never happened. and think about things i wish would happen.

'it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all'

Double double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble ...

'you're a fool harry potter, and you will lose everything' ha! voldermot should read book seven! i'm sitting here watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix, it's nearly over. i clicked on the 'new post' button half an hour ago, but harry potter is too good to miss. my staturday night so far has consisted of harry potter, herbal tea and another nose strip. hayfever is a bitch.

i am overly excited about the sixth harry potter coming out on july 15th. we're having a harry potter day, costumes, themed food and a marathon of the potter films. win.

the stale taste of recycled air.

second post of the day. i feel like death. okay, slight over exaggeration. i feel like death warmed up. there. less of an exaggeration. my hayfever is out of control again today, my tummy hurts, and i have a headache. we have no nurophen at home and i already took my claritin. i am sitting here with a nose strip on my nose to try and unblock it, god bless you boots hayfever survival guide.

 i can take comfort in the fact that i am not alone, christina is also feeling worse for wear. i am not looking forward to work tomorrow, as i'm working 10-6. and not matter how crappy (i could f used a better word but i'm ill so screw you) i feel, i can't call in sick, because a rochelle already has due to a family emergency and chelsey has the day off.

i'm going to bed now, my eyes sting and hurt. if i'm asleep then i can't feel too much pain right?

these streets paved with denial.

i'm currently sitting in beats cafe at my university watching pretty woman and writing this blog. this is probably the most pointless visit into uni ever. i came in for half one and all they needed me for was to find where my evaluation was. i've just been told i can go home. 

 

I have a head ache, my hay fever is out of control, and a serious wagamama craving. chloe and tom got their e m a through today so hopefully i have also, i could do with a wagamama. to be honest, i could always have a wagamama. 

we've been discussing what everyone wants to do with their lives and how weird it is that the next time we'll change our passport that we might be going on a trip with our own children and spouse. i'm not sure if i like talking of the future actually, not when i don't know where the next few years will lead me. 

white washed oceans where it's too cold to swim.

today has been the longest of days. my uni project as due in today, so i spent pretty much all of last night doing work, i had finished my final piece by two am, i then went on to do my journal which i thought would take me an hour at most. this was not the case, i stayed up 'til around half six working on that and my evaluation. i was going senail, i spelt evaluation like evaluatino, at least four times. the birds started tweeting at four and had stopped by the time i finished my journal. what annoyed me the most was that i didn't even need the light on in my room, as plenty of light was coming threw the window. and when i finally got to bed i couldn't fall asleep for awhile due to the bright light from my window.

I made it into uni at around half eleven, only two hours later than planned. I need to buy laura and pheobe a box of chocolates for all the help they gave me today, without them i would still be sticking up things on my wall. double sided sticky tape may be stronger but takes a lot more time to set up than normal tape.

i'm very pleased with how my final piece turned out, and i give kudos to christina for that, who gave me direction for it. and overall i liked my project, i know i work well under pressure, its the only reason why i got so much done last night, but i kind of wish i was a bit more motivated the past two weeks. i could have produced even better work. i think my favourite part of the project was making the post cards. they will be going on my wall once this exhibition is all over.

lola, mum, christina and me went to london to go see Qi be filmed. we had arrived with plenty of time to spair so we grabbed some food from eat. and then proceeded to walk to the studio, where we found a much much much bigger que then we would have thought. for a long time we thought we wouldn't get in. i twittered stephen fry and asked if he could help, he twittered back and apologised. but by some stroke of luck we were the last four people to be let in, it was an amazing two hours. and it made staying up all night worth it.

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they're real.

i'm an idiot, as each day goes by, i still hope for something from you.

with a uni project due in a just over a day, i am completely calm about the fact i have yet to start my final piece and i have yet to write my project journal. i'm looking forward to finishing this course, a little too much i think. i'm glad i did the course, while it was free, because i've had some great times, but i don't think university is for me.

i have made a pact with nat, that we will both be out of retail by the end of the year, i am so ready to leave retail. 

helen, nat and i are planning to go away for a week in september, we're not sure where yet, but i'm getting excited about it already. holidays are awesome, and i'll get to see another part of the world i haven't seen before. if all goes to plan that'll mean i have 3 (ish) holidays for this year. cyprus for my brothers wedding with the family and christina, reading festival (it counts!) with lots of amazing people and wherever september takes me nat and helen! having something to look forward to makes it all worth while.

turn yourself around.

today i started to fill out one of them questionnaire things on facebook, i stopped half way through and realised, there's a lot about my self i'd like to change. for one part of it, you had to list things about yourself, i filled out the following :

i'm not a morning person. i have the worst balance ever. i very very very emotional. i over analyse everything. i'm pretty insecure. i get really paranoid.

for once i would like to go through a day where, i don't start to over analyse/ get paranoid/ or feel insecure, heck how about not crying for once too! i need a change in my life, i no longer care about my university course, and i spend most of the time in my room. i need to get out more, i need to get more 'life experience'.

energy spent trying to believe you're not worth it, you don't deserve it.

i went to croydon today. as i stepped out into the entrance of east croydon station, i looked around for your face. like i expected you to be there, like you always were. (maybe) you're not worth it. you used to be. maybe too much has changed. give me a reason to trust you again, tell me what's on your mind.

'the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return'

i have had the worst day. i will most likely not have a phone for another week. to top it all of i've lost quite a few numbers. i dislike technology.

i am watching moulin rouge. i adore this film. it is one of the most beautiful films i have seen. i should have taken my mascara off before i started watching it. my god the tears. i can only wish to find a love like their's...

tip top ready for the sky.

i'm currently visiting seattle grace hospital. i'm re-watching grey's anatomy episodes with christina that she hasn't watched yet, we're on the second episode of the serial killer story. as soon as this one finishes she's sooo gonna wanna watch the next one, its one of them endings. mc steamy may be going grey, but he is still so FRIKKIN hott! i do love this show, and its got nothing to go with mc steamy or mc dreamy.

i'm becoming stupidly addicted to those dancing days, their music is so dancey and so summery, they have a gig coming up and i shall be attending it in AA attire of course. i've been told its the only way to dress to see them. seeing this girls would be better than paying £30 to see lady gaga, even though it would of been cool, i still think this'll be even better.

i had a long chat with a close friend who i haven't seen for a while today. it was nice to catch up. and whilst talking to her it made me realised the feelings i thought i had for you are a whole lot different. 

line of best fit.

there isn't anywhere i'd rather be in the world than new york. the city is beautiful, with so much to see, and the atmosphere is just right. when i went there a few years ago, it just felt right, everything felt lighter there. i could walk on the streets of manhattan and not have a care in the world. the last piece of the puzzle fitted. i felt a comfort i hadn't before. i'm not sure if that made sense to you, but it does for me. i know for sure i'd like to live there, have a life there. it's just getting to that stage. earning money to save, to be able to live there, to build a life there. start a family there. it wouldn't matter if i had a house in the suburbs and a partner, or if i was living in a one bedroom studio with my two best friends, it would still feel right.

 i'll be home soon.

brown eyes.

i will own this bag one day, i'm certain of it.

its a bank holiday, and i'm in bed with a boxset of gilmore girls and drinking herbal tea, from the mug hunter got me for christmas. i haven't done any work today, i said to myself that i'd get some of my journal done after i washed my hair, but did i? no. tomorrow i will at least get work done at uni.

i'm getting addicted to twitter. it's rather pointless if you think about it, you have the same functions on facebook, with updating your status, and commenting on status. the only cool thing is not being bothered by adverts and annoying quizzes. oh and following britney spears is a plus.

no longer will you be in my thoughts, well at least not as much as you are now..did all of this mean something to you, because right now it doesn't feel like it did at all. it's been a month and a half, and still no word. i've given you to many chances, and no doubt i'll give you a few more.

i can't keep doing this, i can't keep getting lost in your brown eyes.

butterfly fly away, you've been waiting for this day...

the hannah montana movie was amazing, i loved it so much! the scene where miley and her papa sing 'butterfly fly away' was so lovely. i enjoyed clapping and singing along like the rest of the audience. it was better than i thought it would be, sooo much better. the soundtrack is awesome too, its all good really.

i watched pretty in pink for the first time today, and i fell in love with duckie, hes amzing, his dance he does is incredible. theres nothing else to report really, i just had a lovely evening at christina's house. it was nice to get out of the house for a bit.

skeleton me, fall asleep.

i'm stupidly addicted to special k. ben and i went to tescos before uni, and got a box of the stuff and milk. we had way to much but still wanted more. there's less than half left now...

i miss david peter marley. i don't see him anywhere near enough as i should. we make plans but things get in the way, and i don't know when i'll see him next. last time did not count because it was so short, we were at the battle of the bands where his band performed. i still need to show him an episode of gilmore girls.

 i am seeing the hannah montana movie today. i'm very excited, i go the soundtrack today and me and charlie sat in his car blasting it out. win. every time i hear a miley or hannah song it getss me so excited and in such a good mood.

i've started running twice a week. i'm trying to make me feel good about myself. wish me luck.

i am going to bed.